The past two weeks have been rather draining. It all started the night before B left for his business trip to Shanghai.
Noah had gone to bed earlier than usual and I thought that was great because then B and I could spend some time together before he left early the next morning for 4 days. But of course, parenthood just doesn’t always go as planned. While I was bathing, I heard B call out for me and I rushed out in a towel drenched in water and soap. I saw B hunched over Noah who was lying in a puddle of his own vomit. Noah screamed and cried, obviously afraid and unsure of what was going on. He reached out for me and I carried him to the toilet to clean up.
B suggested I wash up and get dressed while he cleaned Noah up so that I could quickly put him back to bed after. I took possibly a mere 2 minutes to do that but it felt like an eternity because Noah was screaming and crying in the toilet next door. When I was done, Noah rushed to me clad only in his soiled top and guess who was once again covered in vomit. And just as I thought things couldn’t get any worse, it did. Noah peed on me. For some odd reason, I just wanted to laugh.
We managed to clean him up despite him crying and resisting. After about a half hour of acting like total clowns in an attempt to make him laugh, Noah was finally clean and smiling again. Only thing was, he was also wide awake. Fast forward about 2 hours later, he finally fell back asleep at 11.30pm. We also ended up sleeping in separate rooms because the vomit had seeped into our comforter and mattress. I slept in the spare room with Noah while B took the couch in the living room. So much for spending time together :/
Over the next 2 weeks, Noah started showing signs of the flu but thank goodness he recovered before it became full blown. But then I fell sick just after he started showing signs and till today, I am still nursing a bad cough. We also started a new care arrangement for the next month which means more tiring mornings and later nights for all of us.
I was having another throbbing headache last night because of my cough and Noah was crying and refusing to sleep. He swatted my hand away when I tried to pull him back to bed and kept crying out for his papa to play. It was so frustrating and hurtful because all I wanted to do was put him to bed, take a bath, and call it a day. But there was my baby, refusing sleep (and me). And out in the kitchen were still milk bottles unwashed and his diaper bag unpacked for another day.
When he finally fell asleep, I continued lying next to him. For the past month or two, he had a habit of crawling on top of me to sleep just for a little bit before rolling back onto the bed. Even though I was exhausted, I was waiting for him to do that. And it was then that I realized that while it was something he found soothing, it was also something that I found comfort in.
He crawled on top of me, laid down on my chest, and nuzzled his head right under my neck. And as I embraced him, I wasn’t frustrated anymore. I was utterly exhausted but also extremely thankful that I had this little boy who loves and trusts me enough to keep him safe while he sleeps. And I’ll savor this for as long as I can because it’s not long before he won’t have to look for me for comfort anymore. And no matter how sick, or many bottles unwashed, or how much there is left undone, I’d hold him for as long as he’d let me.
It’s perfectly okay to feel overwhelmed and frustrated and just plain sick and tired, but it is also important we remember the little things. Because who knows, it could very well be the little things that make everything okay.